What a Difference a Year Can Make in One's Life

If I didn't have the old posts on New Ag Talk to prove it, I would swear it was only yesterday that Ed received his terminal cancer diagnosis.  Yet it was a year ago this week.  Farmers from around the world were sending words of encouragement and prayers and I read him each post.  He loved hearing what they wrote.  It seems like yesterday but then again it seems like a lifetime ago. 

I still can hear his voice through YouTube videos and occasionally watch videos of his past No Till Conference presentations.  That big booming voice just fills a room. 

In the past year, I have tackled many challenges, the last of which is to sell Ed's Silverado, the one that hauled us all over the country to different farms and national parks with the camper on board, taking us to the next adventure.  We met so many wonderful people that way.  It was very hard to see the camper leave on the auction day but the people that bought it were so excited to begin a new phase of their life, travelling the country as Ed and I had been blessed to do for so many years.  I couldn't help but be happy for them. 

I have completed the multitude of tasks that it takes to settle a life estate and begin the process of moving forward.  The farmstead is sold, the auction over, Sable has a new farm family to love and protect and I am moved into my new house in town.  Life is slowly but surely going forward. 

This is the first time since I was six years old that I am living in a place with sidewalks!!  There are advantages for me...church and amenities are close by and the grand children are more accessible.  I have neighbors and my house is not big and empty and lonely.  I don't feel Ed's presence here as I did at the farm.  That, of course, is both good and bad, peaceful and sad. 

My brother, Tom, who many of you prayed for at Ed's request, passed away November 29 following his two year battle with brain cancer.  I was blessed to be able to spend a week with him just before he passed away.  It was good to have that special time. 

I know our God is Almighty but I bet even God has his hands full with both Ed and Tom in heaven.  The last time they were together, the laughter could be heard across the fields.  Those two were a hoot together and I am sure they are enjoying each other's company in heaven.  I bet they are watching over me and having a few laughs over my bumbling efforts to get things done. 

All things considered, it has been a year of growth and change for me.  I have tried to live each day and handle each challenge in a way that would make Ed proud.  I just cannot believe that it has been a year since our world as we knew it fell apart.  I am slowly but steadily rebuilding my part of that world. 

Christmas is not the same this year and probably will never be the same joy filled holiday that it was with Ed.  His elves, (daughters) Shannon, Becky and Tara, don't have any elf work this year....that was always such a fun, secretive time.  Ed just handed over his credit card and my wish list and sent them out on the hunt.  They loved being his elves.  He loved having them help.  I loved the bond it created between them. 

I will be spending the holiday with the children and grandchildren, grateful for our many blessings.  I will be thinking of all of you and wishing you and yours a very Merry Christmas.

Hug your loved ones, live each moment as if it is your last and keep the Faith.  God is Good.  LuAnn